A.P. Chekhov - A Happy Ending
LYUBOV GRIGORYEVNA, a substantial, buxom lady of forty who
undertook matchmaking and many other matters of which it is
usual to speak only in whispers, had come to see Stytchkin, the
head guard, on a day when he was off duty. Stytchkin, somewhat
embarrassed, but, as always, grave, practical, and severe, was
walking up and down the room, smoking a cigar and saying:
"Very pleased to make your acquaintance. Semyon Ivanovitch
recommended you on the ground that you may be able to assist me
in a delicate and very important matter affecting the happiness
of my life. I have, Lyubov Grigoryevna, reached the age of
fifty-two; that is a period of life at which very many have
already grown-up children. My position is a secure one. Though
my fortune is not large, yet I am in a position to support a
beloved being and children at my side. I may tell you between
ourselves that apart from my salary I have also money in the
bank which my manner of living has enabled me to save. I am a
practical and sober man, I lead a sensible and consistent life,
so that I may hold myself up as an example to many. But one
thing I lack -- a domestic hearth of my own and a partner in
life, and I live like a wandering Magyar, moving from place to
place without any satisfaction. I have no one with whom to take
counsel, and when I am ill no one to give me water, and so on.
Apart from that, Lyubov Grigoryevna, a married man has always
more weight in society than a bachelor. . . . I am a man of the
educated class, with money, but if you look at me from a point
of view, what am I? A man with no kith and kin, no better than
some Polish priest. And therefore I should be very desirous to
be united in the bonds of Hymen -- that is, to enter into
matrimony with some worthy person."
"An excellent thing," said the matchmaker, with a sigh.
"I am a solitary man and in this town I know no one. Where can I
go, and to whom can I apply, since all the people here are
strangers to me? That is why Semyon Ivanovitch advised me to
address myself to a person who is a specialist in this line, and
makes the arrangement of the happiness of others her profession.
And therefore I most earnestly beg you, Lyubov Grigoryevna, to
assist me in ordering my future. You know all the marriageable
young ladies in the town, and it is easy for you to accommodate
"I can. . . ."
"A glass of wine, I beg you. . . ."
With an habitual gesture the matchmaker raised her glass to her
mouth and tossed it off without winking.
"I can," she repeated. "And what sort of bride would you like,
"Should I like? The bride fate sends me."
"Well, of course it depends on your fate, but everyone has his
own taste, you know. One likes dark ladies, the other prefers
"You see, Lyubov Grigoryevna," said Stytchkin, sighing sedately,
"I am a practical man and a man of character; for me beauty and
external appearance generally take a secondary place, for, as
you know yourself, beauty is neither bowl nor platter, and a
pretty wife involves a great deal of anxiety. The way I look at
it is, what matters most in a woman is not what is external, but
what lies within -- that is, that she should have soul and all
the qualities. A glass of wine, I beg. . . . Of course, it would
be very agreeable that one's wife should be rather plump, but
for mutual happiness it is not of great consequence; what
matters is the mind. Properly speaking, a woman does not need
mind either, for if she has brains she will have too high an
opinion of herself, and take all sorts of ideas into her head.
One cannot do without education nowadays, of course, but
education is of different kinds. It would be pleasing for one's
wife to know French and German, to speak various languages, very
pleasing; but what's the use of that if she can't sew on one's
buttons, perhaps? I am a man of the educated class: I am just as
much at home, I may say, with Prince Kanitelin as I am with you
here now. But my habits are simple, and I want a girl who is not
too much a fine lady. Above all, she must have respect for me
and feel that I have made her happiness."
"To be sure."
"Well, now as regards the essential. . . . I do not want a
wealthy bride; I would never condescend to anything so low as to
marry for money. I desire not to be kept by my wife, but to keep
her, and that she may be sensible of it. But I do not want a
poor girl either. Though I am a man of means, and am marrying
not from mercenary motives, but from love, yet I cannot take a
poor girl, for, as you know yourself, prices have gone up so,
and there will be children."
"One might find one with a dowry," said the matchmaker.
"A glass of wine, I beg. . . ."
There was a pause of five minutes.
The matchmaker heaved a sigh, took a sidelong glance at the
guard, and asked:
"Well, now, my good sir . . . do you want anything in the
bachelor line? I have some fine bargains. One is a French girl
and one is a Greek. Well worth the money."
The guard thought a moment and said:
"No, I thank you. In view of your favourable disposition, allow
me to enquire now how much you ask for your exertions in regard
to a bride?"
"I don't ask much. Give me twenty-five roubles and the stuff for
a dress, as is usual, and I will say thank you . . . but for the
dowry, that's a different account."
Stytchkin folded his arms over his chest and fell to pondering
in silence. After some thought he heaved a sigh and said:
"That's dear. . . ."
"It's not at all dear, Nikolay Nikolayitch! In old days when
there were lots of weddings one did do it cheaper, but nowadays
what are our earnings? If you make fifty roubles in a month that
is not a fast, you may be thankful. It's not on weddings we make
our money, my good sir."
Stytchkin looked at the matchmaker in amazement and shrugged his
"H'm! . . . Do you call fifty roubles little?" he asked.
"Of course it is little! In old days we sometimes made more than
"H'm! I should never have thought it was possible to earn such a
sum by these jobs. Fifty roubles! It is not every man that earns
as much! Pray drink your wine. . . ."
The matchmaker drained her glass without winking. Stytchkin
looked her over from head to foot in silence, then said:
"Fifty roubles. . . . Why, that is six hundred roubles a year. .
. . Please take some more. . . With such dividends, you know,
Lyubov Grigoryevna, you would have no difficulty in making a
match for yourself. . . ."
"For myself," laughed the matchmaker, "I am an old woman."
"Not at all. . . . You have such a figure, and your face is
plump and fair, and all the rest of it."
The matchmaker was embarrassed. Stytchkin was also embarrassed
and sat down beside her.
"You are still very attractive," said he; "if you met with a
practical, steady, careful husband, with his salary and your
earnings you might even attract him very much, and you'd get on
very well together. . . ."
"Goodness knows what you are saying, Nikolay Nikolayitch."
"Well, I meant no harm. . . ."
A silence followed. Stytchkin began loudly blowing his nose,
while the matchmaker turned crimson, and looking bashfully at
"And how much do you get, Nikolay Nikolayitch?"
"I? Seventy-five roubles, besides tips. . . . Apart from that we
make something out of candles and hares."
"You go hunting, then?"
"No. Passengers who travel without tickets are called hares with
Another minute passed in silence. Stytchkin got up and walked
about the room in excitement.
"I don't want a young wife," said he. "I am a middle-aged man,
and I want someone who . . . as it might be like you . . . staid
and settled and a figure something like yours. . . ."
"Goodness knows what you are saying . . ." giggled the
matchmaker, hiding her crimson face in her kerchief.
"There is no need to be long thinking about it. You are after my
own heart, and you suit me in your qualities. I am a practical,
sober man, and if you like me . . . what could be better? Allow
me to make you a proposal!"
The matchmaker dropped a tear, laughed, and, in token of her
consent, clinked glasses with Stytchkin.
"Well," said the happy railway guard, "now allow me to explain
to you the behaviour and manner of life I desire from you. . . .
I am a strict, respectable, practical man. I take a gentlemanly
view of everything. And I desire that my wife should be strict
also, and should understand that to her I am a benefactor and
the foremost person in the world."
He sat down, and, heaving a deep sigh, began expounding to his
bride-elect his views on domestic life and a wife's duties.
bonds of Hymen: marriage; Hymen was the Greek god of marriage